Paul Horton: Divorce Mediation Strategy

If you and your spouse have come to a mutual decision to seek a divorce and feel that you will at least be on speaking terms throughout the process, you might consider going through divorce mediation. In this process, you will meet with a neutral third party to discuss how you will resolve some of the issues in your divorce without having to spend as much time going through courtroom litigation.

Mediation may be the right option for you if the following apply:

You intend to stay on good terms with your soon to be ex. This is especially important for couples that have children together and do not want to make things more difficult on them.
Neither of you blames the other for the divorce. While there are some natural instances in which you might blame your ex-spouse for the unraveling of your marriage, mediation can be a good option if neither party believes the other to be completely at fault.
You want more control over the terms of the divorce. Messy divorces that go through litigation tend to end in divorce terms that may or may not benefit you. Both sides have more to gain through mediation because they have more control over what happens. It is easier to find compromises that actually work through mediation.
Neither party has abused the other. If there has been physical violence or substance abuse in your relationship, you will absolutely want to go through the court system. Otherwise, if you feel safe and are not intimidated by the prospect of meeting face-to-face with your spouse, the mediation process can be healthy and helpful.
You understand the financial aspect of divorce. You might need to have some level of knowledge about how finances will be handled in the divorce process to be completely comfortable with mediation. If you are confident in your knowledge in this area, mediation could be right for you.

Mediation as an Alternative Method to Divorce

In mediation, parties hire a single mediator to negotiate the terms of the dissolution of their marriage instead of going to court. A trained mediator works to resolve the same issues that must be settled in every divorce. Spousal support, property division, allocation of debt, and child support and visitation must all be addressed. The mediator represents both parties and works to have the couple communicate openly about needs and requirements.

For some couples, mediation can work to effectively and quickly resolve the terms of a divorce decree. After an agreement is reached, both parties bring the agreement to a separate attorney to review the terms and ensure that the issues are covered in a satisfactory fashion.

When choosing an attorney to act as a mediator, look for the following:

You need an attorney who has training in mediation. How many in mediation have the attorney handle it and what results has the attorney had?
Find an attorney who makes you feel at ease.
Seek out an attorney you can afford.
You need a lawyer who can explain things to you in language you understand. If English is not your main language, find someone who speaks your tongue.
When children are involved, you need an attorney who will fight to preserve your relationship with them.
Find an attorney like Ascent Law who will be available after your divorce to handle modifications to the divorce decree is finalized.